A minister, Ronald Weinland, proclaims that God made him a prophet in 1997, when I was unavailable for the position because I was too drunk in college. He wrote his new book, “2008 – God’s Final Witness,” which talks about how this is it, we’re all screwed, and billions are going to die.

At least this guy, unlike Nostradamus, is giving his predictions away on the internet. What a sweetheart.

*coughbullshitcough*

Personally, I’m hoping the end comes in the form of a zombie apocalypse, rather than a nuclear winter, but you don’t always get what you want.