The Cynic Gazette

Excellent.

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I still hate Garfield, and love finding anything that turns it into anything other than the inane drivel that Jim Davis blows out his ass onto a canvas.

I found this link on neatorama.com, which goes to a page of Garfield comics which are translated from English to Chinese and back. It’s not as funny as the Garfield-Minus-Garfield site which features Garfield strips with everyone by Jon removed, but it’s work a look… I made lulz at the phrase “I goes strong man!”

Joisey Mike 4th Wall funny

From AIM, a few minutes ago…

Jeremy: Write me a haiku without using the letters E or R
Me: Mid-day IM pops
  Says to accomplish a task
  I’m busy, you dick!

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Seriously, the geekier you are, the funnier you’ll find this.

Joisey Mike The Internets funny, video

Logo design is an art form, having to come up with a brand-leading image, while managing not to kill anyone demanding you make the company name “just a bit bigger.” Note: if you can read it, it’s big enough.

Sometimes this art form is embraced and great things happen, like Apple, Nike, IBM, and countless others who have created memorable, eye catching, brand perpetuating logos. You could see a rat trying to gnaw through drywall, and if there was a swoosh, you’d know it was Nike.

But I digress. I’m writing to call attention to some of the worst logos ever created. Here’s a hint: have a teenaged-minded 30-year-old who drinks too much scotch look at your ideas before you put them on a banner.

The first entry is the logo for the Arlington Pediatric Center, which has since changed, but eluded to the possibility of employing Priests as doctors:

Next is the logo that spawned this post when a friend sent it: the logo for the UK’s Office of Government Commerce (OGC). They’ve actually come up with a good looking logo–until you look at it rotated 90 degrees clockwise:

Good stuff. Lets keep rolling on to the logo for the Instituto de Estudos Orientais (Institute for Oriental Studies). This little guy, well, took me a second to see it as anything other than a backdoor entry (it’s a Japanese-looking building with a sun behind it (they claim)):

And finally, my favorite cultural faux pas, assuming that everyone speaks your language in signage:

Note to self: don’t swap a heart for the letter “O” without running it past some international pals first.

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I’m not a man who’s easily impressed. Well, I am a man who is easily impressed, but not “Wow! A blue car!” easily impressed. But today, the secondteenth day of the fourth month of the 1,208th year since the Europeans decided to start a calendar 800 years in the past (makes sense; think about it), the British have impressed me.

Flip on any video on YouTube. Turn up the volume. Note that YouTube’s volume slider isn’t numeric.

The BBC’s is. And their amps go to eleven. Check out Robin Williams taking over a BBC America chat show when they were having technical difficulties, and turn the volume up. To eleven. Sweet sweet eleven.

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Honestly, this is the exact testimonial I’d be giving if I’d ever owned a Dell. This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long, long time.

Since it’s come up 3 times before 9:30 this morning, I figure I’d mention that  Ben Curtis — more widely known as Steve, the “Dude, you’re getting a Dell” guy — was earthed up as a waiter in New York. So if you don’t know yet, read up. If you already know, now you know I know and you don’t need to tell me about it. I’m glad we took care of that. Vote Quimby.

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Austrailian comedians FTW.

And since you watched, here’s a Walken halloween mask: http://www.brandonbird.com/halloween_treat.html

Boo.

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Today marks my MySpace.com profile’s 4th birthday; which means I’m a big dork. I’ll admit, I take a guilty and geeky pleasure in seeing new members who are member number 200 million (and change) and knowing I’m member number 94,528. That’s a hell of a thing. To me. Shut up.

While we’re talking about numbers, here’s some more that I’ve noticed — this week since I posted the “New Haircut” video, my blog went over 10 thousand views, and in that time over 400 comments were left and I’ve earned 193 kudos. MySpace doesn’t show how many people have viewed your profile anymore, so lets just say that’s a million or two. It could happen. Shut up.

[Edit: I found it -- 17,617 views]

This of course means you all overwhelmingly appreciate my geekiness, and more directly, give in to my constant fiending for validation through the magic of blog comments. So now, 4 years after I noticed it’d been 3 years since Jesus didn’t come back and kill us all at midnight, January 1, 2000, I reflect on the past.

OK, done reflecting.

I still think there’s a conspiracy between human females and chickens, and I’m still paranoid enough to think the depressed squirrel on my front porch (I’ll edit and post pictures later tonight) is actually spying on me and reporting back to his superiors. Because of my jubilation brought on by you, my blog viewers and fair-weathered commenters, the great squirrel revolution will be neutralized quite easily. My very intentional actions under the squirrel-spy’s observation will lead him (or her, but probably him) to report back to his squirrel-periors that all humans stay inside their houses unless they come outside in their pajamas to sit on the front steps and smoke.

So thanks for reading, oh my brothers, and when fuzzynuts shows up at your front door, ready to conquer pajama-clad smokers and you punt him across the street, you know who to thank. And if you don’t, then I’m telling you, it’s me.

There totally could be a squirrel uprising. I mean… you know. Squirrels. More dangerous than zombies. Do you have a zombie plan? Maybe you need a squirrel plan too. Shut up.

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